Hello world!

Well 75 lines a day is like a dancer’s 50 situps a day  .Some shaping going on with words that are jumping inside my skin or beating a path to my fingers as they are. Why? Why?Why? Why do I have so much to say when i am  mad and not  happy??The family sorrows are ragged and  rough. How can love be so inconvenient for  a daughter once  she gets all she can  and seeks other targets??It’s very hapless to be dumped as a grandma .Who knew that this  would be it after  all that time and money??  Perhaps she is  the reincarnation of his dead 1st wife like he always told her. There is no coming back from this space I’m in. Today  she announces that her father’s  2nd wife  wishes  she had kept her ,and let her  go to high school  in  the  big city. A  woman who ordered me to come get her ,she wouldn’t stay in school and she wasn’t  putting up with her bad behavior  anymore. Her dad  had left her there  1 1/2 years while he  pretended  he was settling down  soon. She  was  cracking up ,working all the time to pay her mortgage of $5,000 a month and couldn’t be  chasing  after a 14 year old girl that the school was always  correcting.They got divorced and  Amy came with me  . She settled in to ditching after i took her to school and returning just in time to be picked up outside  the long driveway of the high school parking lot. She would go to her friends house and play with the 1 yearold niece  . My job would  shut down my work space and  my other team members to take me  to the phone to be threatened by  her high school attendance secretary.I was headed for  parent ing classes and  fines for her attendance when  she ran off to a boyfriend’s family that lived in the farming community about 30 miles away.  Here  she dropped out of high school and  went to once a week  continuation school in  a town 25 miles away. I  drove her and paid for driving class and bought her a car  which she  wrecked .Then her boyfriend wrecked a sweet little Camry I got her.I was so happy we were all overcoming  these little problems.  She now feels this was just a control issue. Hello??!?  I  wish i had  some boundaries for myself back then . I tried to teach other people how to read .What is a civic engagement that rewards you  for this  ?? I  need  an adventure. . It’s time to change . I can’t stand this anymore.

I hope  my delight in reading is  not fruitless.To share reading is about the only happy American experience I have.  Still thinking about it all- last good book”The Cloud Atlas”.

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