Well 75 lines a day is like a dancer’s 50 situps a day .Some shaping going on with words that are jumping inside my skin or beating a path to my fingers as they are. Why? Why?Why? Why do I have so much to say when i am mad and not happy??The family sorrows are ragged and rough. How can love be so inconvenient for a daughter once she gets all she can and seeks other targets??It’s very hapless to be dumped as a grandma .Who knew that this would be it after all that time and money?? Perhaps she is the reincarnation of his dead 1st wife like he always told her. There is no coming back from this space I’m in. Today she announces that her father’s 2nd wife wishes she had kept her ,and let her go to high school in the big city. A woman who ordered me to come get her ,she wouldn’t stay in school and she wasn’t putting up with her bad behavior anymore. Her dad had left her there 1 1/2 years while he pretended he was settling down soon. She was cracking up ,working all the time to pay her mortgage of $5,000 a month and couldn’t be chasing after a 14 year old girl that the school was always correcting.They got divorced and Amy came with me . She settled in to ditching after i took her to school and returning just in time to be picked up outside the long driveway of the high school parking lot. She would go to her friends house and play with the 1 yearold niece . My job would shut down my work space and my other team members to take me to the phone to be threatened by her high school attendance secretary.I was headed for parent ing classes and fines for her attendance when she ran off to a boyfriend’s family that lived in the farming community about 30 miles away. Here she dropped out of high school and went to once a week continuation school in a town 25 miles away. I drove her and paid for driving class and bought her a car which she wrecked .Then her boyfriend wrecked a sweet little Camry I got her.I was so happy we were all overcoming these little problems. She now feels this was just a control issue. Hello??!? I wish i had some boundaries for myself back then . I tried to teach other people how to read .What is a civic engagement that rewards you for this ?? I need an adventure. . It’s time to change . I can’t stand this anymore.
I hope my delight in reading is not fruitless.To share reading is about the only happy American experience I have. Still thinking about it all- last good book”The Cloud Atlas”.
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